Archives for posts with tag: tree

Domo and Tuzi Yeye Christmas Ride

I’d like to share a passage from Rick Moody’s The Ice Storm with you. This passage was brought to my attention by my lovely wife. She’s a better reader than me for several reasons. One reason is that I’ve resigned myself to primarily reading books with pictures in them, but that’s a relatively new thing. The reason that impresses me the most is that she’s well-read in two languages. Her decision to read The Ice Storm follows in the foot steps of Li Ang, another Chinese genius who reads Western literature. You may remember than Li Ang directed the film adaptation of the book. It featured the acting talents of Sigourney Weaver and does not resemble that abomination Avatar. My wife’s been reading this book for the past few days and keeps telling me that she finally understands the American Suburbs and why I’m fucked up.

Anyway, here’s the passage:

Sure, Paul had tried DC Comics. He had read Batman and Justice League of America, and he had followed some of the other Marvel titles too: Spider-Man, Iron Man, The Incredible Hulk, The Avengers, and X-Men and especially those titles that were F.F. spin-offs, The Silver Surfer and The Sub-Mariner. He had tried them all. He had ranged far and wide. But he kept coming back to the F.F. Batman was cool: his skills were not supernatural. He was just smart and rich. Superman was a moral force. The Hulk had hubris. Silver Surfer was definitely created by a mind on psychedelics. Thor was the comic you read if you wanted to work for one of those touring Renaissance festivals, if you wanted to wear a shirt that was called a blouse.

So why the Fantastic Four? First of all, Paul couldn’t shake the uncanny coincidence that his father had the same first name as Benjamin Grimm, the Thing. When he was younger, he actually thought of his father as the Thing: chunky, homely, self-pitying. When Paul was a kid, his dad raged around his house like a pachyderm taking down underbrush. His father would find a damp towel clumped on the bathroom floor and sprint to Paul’s room to accuse him. His father would lay in wait for the tiniest noise, the scantest footfall, and then he would howl from the bottom of the stairs. But his dad was always coming around to apologize, too. He couldn’t terrorize with real commitment. He was like the Thing. He hated the world, hated mankind, but loved people, loved kids and dogs.

And his mother was the Invisible Girl. Although, on the other hand, sometimes she was like Crystal, the Elemental, the prophetess, a seer. And sometimes his dad was Reed Richards, the elastic scientist. And sometimes Paul himself was Be Grimm, and sometimes he was Peter Parker, a.k.a. the Spider-Man. These models never worked exactly. Still, the F.F., with all their mistakes and allegiances, their infighting and dependability, told some true tale about family. When Paul started reading these books, the corny melodram of New Canaan lost its sting.

Panda ornament

The pictures are from our tree. If you want to look at more of our ornaments, I suggest you click here and enjoy some of the ways the Christmas spirit manifested in our apartment. If you want to make us an ornament, that would be pretty cool.

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While we have spent several Christmases together, this year will be our first Christmas together in a predominantly Christian country and our first Christmas with a Christmas tree. The tree is artificial, a hand-me-down from my sister. Decorating it has been a joy.

dayonewholetree

This photo shows the tree is its earliest stage of transformation from simplicity to fabulousity. Note the faux amanita muscaria mushroom placed on the bottom of the tree in honor of Santa Claus’s Siberian roots.

ghettosuperstarstarontopliquorinthefront

The star on top of the tree symbolizes the star that led the three kings to Nazareth where they were informed “THANK YOU, WISE MEN! BUT OUR SAVIOR IS IN ANOTHER MANGER!”

3djimleesuperman

This Superman figure sits near the top of the tree. It is based on a cover by Jim Lee.

antiwonderwomanflashpoint

An anti-Themyscira/pro-Atlantis button. We scored a lot of Flashpoint buttons for free from Oxford Comics in Atlanta. I think they’re still have some. They’re giving them away until they run out. I really like this button and the weird fantasy world misogyny connotations that come with it. It would’ve broken my heart to see to Aquaman marry Wonder Woman because it would break Mera’s heart; she and I share a psychic bond, but have different allergies.

pandaandeaglefromchris

Our friend made us these two ornaments to commemorate the special relationship between People’s Republic of China and the United States of America. One world, one dream!

badgirlgoodgirl

Recycling the season’s classic Naughty-Nice dichotomy

batgrenade

Batman with a pink grenade, dreaming of pink lemonade

batpenquin

The penguin shall lie down with the bat.

bayi

August 1st (八一 ba yi)

The Chinese Army

bobombthenoselessreindeer

Bob-Omb Over Bethlehem

cottonmouthmario

Batman spying on Mario spying on a sheep’s little butthole

deadghost

Edible ornament, like a string of popcorn

deathstrokeandnorinraddbear

Deathstroke as a a circle, Norin Radd as a bear

disfordischarge

The Koopa is uncomfortable with the D and everything it stands for.

fakeshittoadoffthemeanstreetsofchongqing

Pink-skinned Toad, possibly boiled

fromdamonsgf

When we visited New York last summer, we saw many of my dearest friends. Of course, we brought many gifts with us. For one of my friends, who is a bit of psychotic pervert, we brought a very creepy cat mask from Japan. The mask continues to make him the envy of every other psychotic pervert he knows. His lady-friend also gave us a gift. She’s Dominican and wanted to share some of her culture with us, so she gave us a couple magic Catholic voodoo bracelets. One of these bracelets appear in the photo above. Both bracelets appear on the tree, warding off evil spirits like birth control and hard work.

fromthosewinosbrianandlynn

We hosted some of our friends for dinner last week and they brought us this fun home-made ornament. From its design, you can tell that our friends are winos.

ghostofklansmenpast

Is it a ghost? an arctic sloth? a klansbaby? an adorable snow demon? one of those naughty gremlins from Family Circus?

gorillaz2 handpaintedgorillaz

Yuanyuan made these when we lived in Chongqing. The two big ones are Russell and 2D. The two little ones are Murdoc and Noodle.

haveyourselfaverydomochristmas

Domo: “Words are very unnecessary. They can only do harm.”

liberiantoad

Another link in exposing the U.S. imperialists’ hidden legacy of interference in the Mushroom Kingdom

marioscrotchisthelightoftheworld

Detail of Mario’s eyes’ shiftiness

milkflowerdonkeykong

A carton of milk, a fire flower, and Donkey Kong walk into a bar. Donkey Kong orders a banana beer and the bartender asks him why he didn’t order anything for the other two. Donkey Kong shakes his head and says, “I intend to barter the milk for the beer. If you refuse, I will use the flower to burn down your bar.”

monkeysfuckingloveeatingpeaches

Monkey

myneighbortwelve

My neighbor Totoro and a cat biting his style

ninjabat

Ninjabat from Uglydoll

notacreaturewasstirringnotevenboomario

Twas the night before Christmas, when the virgin was due,

Not a creature was stirring, not even a Boo.

The stock market was fixed by the Illuminati with care

to distract the masses from pillaging billionaires.

The children were medicated for their ADHD

with anxiety meds and methamphetamine.

Ma in denial and me in withdrawal

Had just signed a check to cover it all.

When straight out of Compton arose such a clatter,

I neither created nor destroyed any matter.

A mouthful of Windex, I smelled like I felt,

bored out of the shutters and hungry as hell.

The movie star’s breasts aroused even the snow

as she jumped up and down on the television show.

When, what to my wandering eyes should appear,

but her tits fell out of her dress and so did her rear!

With a little search engine, so lively and quick,

I found a site where I downloaded the pics.

More rabid than eagles, the internet burst

with photos galore of the starlet, her at her worst.

“Now Dasher! Now Dancer! Now Cagney and Lacy!

On, Comet! On, Cupid! On, those who obey me!

Hey, I just met you and this crazy,

But here’s my number, so call me maybe?”

And then, in a twinkling, I found some proof

that intruders were loitering up on my roof.

As I drew my pistol and napalm and sword,

Down the chimney appeared the chairman of the board.

He was dressed in a grey suit with a loosened necktie,

the typical look for a Hoboken wise guy.

Melting ice cubes flung from his glass

as he looked for liquor with both his eyes and his ass.

His eyes- how they twinkled! His voice- how dreamy!

When he licked his lips, I shuddered extremely.

His slack and sweet mouth was drawn like a stiff,

suckling the nectar from a shoplifted fifth.

A tightly rolled spliff he held tight in his teeth

and the smoke it encircled his head like a wreath.

He had a broad face and a golden arm,

one little taste would do Frankie no harm.

He spoke a few words, then went straight back to Vegas.

“I hate all the tourists, but at least the bourgeoisie pays us…”

And laying his finger deep inside his nose,

up! up! the chimey he flamboyantly rose!

He sprang from our lives to follow his dreams

and away they all flew like melting ice creams.

But I heard him exclaim at the end of day,

“More, much more than this, I did it my way.”

notbane

Another gift. This is not Bane.

nsmbpst

A propeller shroomed Toad from New Super Marios Bros.

oneupforthemourningwidow

1up Mushroom with lace

pacmanghost

Blinky

pandainthetree

This cute panda arrived from China with some shoes and books.

peepingforpacman

Inky

presidentobamaendorsesthistreebutwonttakehisshirtoff

44th President of the United States of America Barack Obama

shazamspineerection

A tree grows between Captain Marvel’s legs.

One-armed Italian plumber bear in background

slimerdontcopoutondope

Another gift from an accomplished ghost-buster

supermandeadmanwonderwoman

Deadman and Wonder Woman are buttons, but Superman came from a bottle of juice drink.

thiswasbasedonmybuttwheniwasababy

This ornament is pretty old. The baby is based on me when I was a baby. Back then, I had a pretty cute butt.

thatcatisaspeaker  whoscoolerthanbeingcoolercaptaincold

What’s cooler than being cool? Captain Cold.

wolfmansfirstrodeo wolfmanthuglife

The Wolfman’s First Rodeo

yoshicruisingacrosschristmas

Yoshi, cruising for confusion among the Christmas miracles.

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