Archives for posts with tag: Dark Knight Rises

titleslide

Dragon Con was a blast and I felt like the DC Comics and Cultural Studies panel went well. I’ve had a few requests so I’ve posted my paper “Discipline & Punish: Michel Foucault & the Suicide Squad” here. Hopefully I’ll get around to posting my paper from last year some time soon, but until then, enjoy this one.

noncriminalslide

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As frequenters of this site know, crosswords of varying difficulty have appeared sporadically since the site began. The empire was built on those little boxes, penciled in between our slings and arrows, our ups and downs. Yesterday a small start up tech firm known as The Google brought attention to the 100th anniversary of the versatile medium. Those nerds celebrated with an animated doodle. The World’s Second Greatest Detective , refusing to be outdone by a bunch of coder and cooties, decided to massacre two birds with one stone by simultaneously commemorating the 100th anniversary of the crossword with the publication of DC Comics New 52 Villains Omnibus, a mammoth tome featuring each of DC Comics Villains Month issues from this past September, with a DC Villains Crossword. The answers are all titles taken from the New 52 Villains Omnibus, so don’t go looking for Catwoman, Hush, Amazo, Gentleman Ghost, etc. If you need a list of those titles, click here.  If you click on the puzzle, it gets much bigger too.

villainscw

Across

5. what’s cooler than cool? ice cold

7. classic teen tightener

8. makes lions cowardly with gas

9. say hello to their little friend

10. pointed the Flash to Flashpoint

11. more badass than Duane Chapman

16. rules Gotham from a shadowed perch, behind granite and lime

17. the blackest night’s blackest knight

22. rough in a diamond

23. lives in the worst part of Gotham City

25. if dialing h gets you preparation e, this is how you get preparation h

29. Jordan’s friend, Natu’s father

30. Aquaman’s brother

32. Can be usually be found at the Iceberg

33. Solomon Grundy died on Saturday, but Superman died on this one

34. Born in the dark, molded by it

35. I make a point of never being clueless, who am I?

36. One of the Jor-El’s best buddies if only in his mind

38. faster pussycat kill kill

39. So Raven

43. Played poorly by Kevin Spacey

44. big bad harv

45. Has a cooler collection of bottles than any frat boy you know

47. Of all of Darkseid’s minions, he probably finds the most sexual gratification from spanking

Down

1. Coast City’s least favorite Superman

2. Not the handsomest villain but possibly the hungriest

3. one of the few female characters to put on more clothes in the New 52

4. his scientific discoveries were vital to Talia’s war on Batman, Inc.

6. Wonder Woman’s brother

8. whether male or female, a problem for hawkman

10. looking to put Green Lanterns’ lights out

12. A failure for Lex Luthor, especially compared to Superboy

13. One of Jor-El’s best buddies

14. hair like the Joker

15. Inspired the pornographic thespian Jack Napier

16. poison ivy planted seeds in him

17. gave Aquaman’s dad a heart attack

18. one bullet minimalist

19. Gems of the Gem Cities

20. digs lysistrata and wearing other people’s faces

21. most wtf character choice in Injustice video game

24. Grandfather to Thomas Wayne’s grandson

26. of Super Villains

27. just another clever beat inventing knowing

28. put the rot in rot world

31. The man with a kryptonite heart

37. aims to make aiming arrows difficult

40. once wore a lot of Sinestro Corps rings

41. christened Cyrus Gold, possibly on a Tuesday

42. iconic cosplay favorite who appeared in an animated series before appearing in a comic

45. subject of the best storyline in 52

46. kisses with his Apokolips

Google across my angry middle finger

Above you can see what Google’s doodle looked like while below you can find the correct responses to the crossword clues.

answers

aquamanlookingforben

My wife woke me up this morning to tell me that that the internet was a-buzz with news that Ben Affleck would play Batman in the upcoming Superman-Batman movie. At first, I thought, “This is a weird yet very boring dream.” My second thoughts were more practical. My wife is bilingual and reads both the Chinese internet and the real internet*, so perhaps a new strategy of the Wu Mao party was to troll the shit out of the internet with such ridiculous news in an effort to destabilize U.S. hegemony. It makes sense, right? Americans agree not to intervene with Taiwan’s return and Ben Affleck will not disgrace the cowl- call it bat-boat diplomacy. After brushing my teeth, getting dressed, etc. I went to the internet myself and was overwhelmed by how fast the scheme had taken hold. Further proof of what the Freemasons have always known, inception is possible. Were the Chinese to blame for Damian Wayne’s death as well? Was Grant Morrison’s psychedelic experience in the East nothing more than Manchurian Candidate brain-washing? Why start the Ben Affleck as Batman hoax at the same time as the Bo Xilai trial?

What about Christian Bale? As a child, his portrayal of J.G. Ballard in “Empire of the Sun” was not flattering to the Chinese, praising the bravery of the Japanese as they violently occupied China. Later in life, his support of Chen Guangcheng got him beaten up by the Chinese police  after Bale had worked with Zhang Yimou.  The Chinese release of “The Dark Knight Rises” was delayed. Is it a personal mission against Christian Bale? I doubt it because casting Ben Affleck as the Batman will only make Christian Bale’s portrayal look that much better much like Clooney did for Keaton.

Eventually my suspicions subsided. The Chinese government wouldn’t do such a thing. In Supergods, Grant Morrison alludes a Chinese government program to create a real-life Superman- which I guess is more like a real life Captain America, but then it would have to be Captain China, do you remember Red China Man, enemy of Mr. Freedom? Anyway I digress. I don’t think we can blame China for casting Ben Affleck as Batman as the news appeared first in the U.S…. unless a sleeper cell just woke up.

I also don’t think actors should play more one superhero. If you’re the Human Torch, you shouldn’t be Captain America. If you were Daredevil, you shouldn’t be Batman. If you were Kaiser Soze, you shouldn’t be Lex Luthor. I also think Ben Affleck is too old to play Batman. The potential for another sustainable Batman franchise is weakened by Affleck’s decaying mortal coil.

When Ben Affleck played Superman, it drove it to kill himself, so I don’t understand why he would even want to play Batman.

On the other hand, I would be interested in a Batman story written by Affleck and I could even consider Casey Affleck as a really good Riddler. I’d like Scott Snyder to write a Batman movie and Gail Simone to write a Batgirl movie. I think Tom Tykwer should direct a superhero here- maybe Flash? Animal Man? That would be sweet, right? Tom Tykwer directs Animal Man, Anton Corbijn directs Swamp Thing, Sofia Coppola directs Zatanna, Guy Ritchie directs Constantine and it all culminates in Guilermo del Toro directs Justice League Dark.

From several corners of the internet, disappointment seems to dominate this discussion and I expect the democratic nature of the comic book industry to force Affleck to walk away from the project with his batarangs between legs. Kind of embarrassing, but better to be pushed off the project now than be blamed for ruining DC’s hope to develop a cinematic universe on the scale of Marvel’s.

*the bit about “the Chinese internet and the real internet” is just a joke, so don’t get offended. As we all know, the internet is, in fact, separated on an entirely different system: the zero internet and the one internet. One of them is governed by Jesus and the other is governed by Darth Vader.

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